Today I feel contemptuous of her. What a strange dynamic.

My coworker and I are engaged in an endless traumatic duet. We each react to the other as an abuser. She is my boss - most of the time she is the angry parent abusing me (constant bullying/putting down) and I am the bewildered child who cowers under her in fear.
Every now and then I become sick of the bullying behavior and stand strong against her in anger. Then I am the bullying angry parent and she is the child cowering in fear.

This is the act we are up to in our endless duet right now. Last night I gave her my anger. I told her her behavior towards me was not okay. This morning I spoke to her as a calm adult... she was her hurting victimized child and burst into tears.
Now I am neutral - neither angry nor afraid. I am not in danger and do not need to protect. Right now she is no threat to me.

But this part of the duet only lasts for one or two days. The next part of the dance is where she begins to dig, criticize, manipulate, gaslight and bully me again. And I will be the confused and victimized child.

I have spoken to management so many times. This dance is destabilizing us so much. Its like a knife stabbing at our weak points, trying to sever the unity we are striving for. We are back in therapy. It's not helping.
Something has to give.