I've tried to be civil and courteous, but I don't like people here in this part of Texas, they are very easy to set off kind of people. They are self indulgent and entitled to everything even if it doesn't belong to them.
It frustrates me that people actively show how much they are selfish.
I've seen it everywhere before but here it's worse somehow, the fact I cannot make any friends here feeling completely unloved and I lost a potential family I could of had. I am supposed to have a child many miles away, that I'll never get to see. My ex gave up on me, entirely...

Did I deserve this? Was my choices and things I had no choice in were to blame in the feelings I should be feeling, because **** happens.

Is it when I'm abused or beaten or when I was dying I shouldn't feel anything, because **** happens.

Like I'm some piece of trash. It's gotten so bad, I am willing to change my gender change everything about me, because I don't want to be me.

It hurts tremendously I've done everything to care for others and always got the short end.

My parents never comforted me when I was truely this sad, they tried to suppress it. I can't tell you how many horrible things happened in my life and I was supposed to brush it off as it was nothing that my feelings were nothing.

It's set a life long precedent of feeling empty no matter where I'm at.

I hate here I have no one to talk to in person. Like I didn't so much to an extent before, but here no chance in hell. I'll have the close friends I have made here. People quit too easily to care... I've shut down and wanted to be loved for me and damn I can't see it happening here. I don't have my dog to hug he's dead since april and feeling this is how it felt when my best friend told me he hated me and never wanted to hear from me again just before he died. I can't tell you how much shame and guilt I feel thrown onto me I can't take it anymore.
I lost two children of mine 1 by an abortion and now my second by me moving before I'm "hoping" she is born.
I was treated in this manner being neglected when I go through a very big tragedy or very traumatic experience physically and mentally always treated as early as 4 I didn't matter.

I desperately seek the love I needed from people I wanted it the most. It's becoming too much to handle. I've been starved from love and I'm out of energy I'm just reckless to be reckless I don't feel my life is going anywhere even though I do my hardest to convince myself I can get through all of it, before something else hits me.