Last time in therapy we talked about how my partner doesn't initiate sex anymore and how sexually frustrated I feel. It's a nightmare that I am in another relationship just like the last one where I am not satisfied sexually. It was all tangled up with my sexual frustration because of T also. At the end of the session, I felt so angry, that my sadness means nothing to him. That he listens to me wish so much for someone to touch me, that he even said he desired me, but does not take me in his arms and hold me. As we said bye, I thought to myself - **** them all, all of the people who won't love me though I love them. I stopped caring about the rules and I went and stood very close to him, looked up at him and let myself think about kissing him and I almost did but I stopped myself. I was close enough to see the lines on his face, that I hadn't seen before. He looked at me, maybe with a little puzzled expression. Is he really so stupid?

After the session, I was so angry, so, so angry, at myself, at everything, but I didn't even know how angry, and I was holding it all, just in a calm daze. In the middle of eating dinner, the dog was bothering me, trying to bite me and not letting me sit and eat. My partner was blissfully ignoring me and not helping, watching a stupid video online. I lost it - I smashed my plate on the ground and stormed out of the room. I don't recognize myself, and I just want to die. I hate this person I seem to be.