Final day of the challenge: I do love him and feel hopeful.

However, I am sleeping in a different house. This has been a dysfunctional roller coaster that has never gotten better, only worse. (Well, at least I am not suicidal anymore)

I cried yesterday from the frustration of him again gas lighting me by acting like he had no idea he was doing the exact behavior that triggers me, that I have confronted him about countless times before. He keeps acting like its the first time he's heard it!

The bottom line is his approach makes me feel forced, phoney, uncomfortable, and anxious. Can you imagine trying to communicate the same thing to someone for years and years and they just don''t understand you no matter how you use your words?

So why am I hopeful? Simply because he says he loves me and wants to stay married. I guess I don't see any future for me in any other direction than to keep dredging through this merky mud forever. I am just exhausted and so thankful I have somewhere to run to sleep in peace.