A little of the backstory………..

I met my girlfriend at her place of work and we clicked very quickly, I saw her a few times at the same location and finally got the nerve to ask her out for a drink. She agreed and organised it for a Friday night after she finished her shift. When I turned up for our date she was nowhere in sight and her phone was off, I had been stood up! I got up enough nerve and called in again on her place work to ask what had happened. She apologised and asked me to hang around to have that drink.

A few days went by and I got a cryptic text message thanking me for making her do something that she had planned to do for a long time. At this stage I didn’t know she had bipolar but I later found out that this message was in regards to her getting back on her medication for the first time for a while because of meeting me. The next date she told me about her bipolar. At this stage while I had heard about bipolar I didn’t fully understand what it entailed. Google was my friend and it gave me a quick rundown on what it was all about.

A month or two into the relationship I received a late night phone call from her, her first words were “Don’t hate me”, she the advised me that she had kissed someone else. She told me that it was a one off and that she loved me. I was heartbroken, but the revelation from her made me realise that I had fallen for her also. I had never planned on it, but I was in love way to quick.

The next few months went great and we spent every weekend together and even some days of the week. We were happy. I saw her a few times off her medication where she said hurtful things and wanted as to break up, I knew it was her disorder so we talked and always got her back on her meds. I never blamed her or were upset with because of these outbursts, I knew she couldn’t control it and I always loved her.

Another late night phone call was received four months or so into the relationship, when they were late night/early morning calls I always knew something was coming. She was drunk, something that was becoming more common and obviously has not been taking her meds. She broke up with me over the phone and told me that she loved and adored me but if she stayed with she would “destroy me”. I knew she was off her meds from her voice and words used so I just tried to focus on her health and wellbeing. The call went dead and I couldn’t get back onto her. I was really concerned but her place was a secure apartment complex and I couldn’t get into to check on her.

I left work early that day unable to focus and concerned for her wellbeing. I received a call around lunch time with her in tears asking for me to come to her place. I went. After seeing her it was clear she was off her meds, she was talking about suicide by medication overdose. I took her tablets from her and finally convinced her to take her morning dose only and to come home with me. This was a relief as I could keep an eye on her. She slept and slept and by the next morning while not great she seemed better. She decided to spend the entire weekend with me which was again a relief because if I knew she was alone in the city she would consume alcohol and gone again into a downward spiral. By the end of the weekend with me she was back to her level self.

Last week after another night out with her friends she phoned me early in the morning and advised we were over, the same reason about not wanting to hurt me in the future was given. After this as of a week later she has not spoken to me. I have sent a message a day just to say hi and to see how she is, but as of right now she still hasn’t contacted me.
I know that she is alive as she has been going into work, which makes me feel a bit better. I am not sure if she is medicated or not.

I love this girl so much and I know she loves me. Her bipolar disorder is something that is very tough to deal with in a relationship, I understand that and I have read enough forums on people who have experienced that same kind of issues, but I am never angry with her because of her outbursts.

Should I chase her? I want to be with her medicated or not. I understand her and want to support her as she is always better when she is with me. She knows that alcohol is not good for her but the late finishes she has always turns into a few too many drinks. I am even considering offering for her to come and stay with me for a bit as I live in the country just she can break the cycle she is in and hopefully get level again.

She knows that she is better when she is medicated, but obviously when she isn’t which I think is the case now, she doesn’t want to take them.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.