First, I am very happy you have made it this far. I too can get very suicidal. It usually comes on at night when I am only minor depressed. Otherwise, it is a constant nag in my life. Are your suicidal thoughts so severe that you have a plan AND a time line of the action. I go to see a Psychologist and she knows I get suicidal but she wants me to talk about it. She says the only way she would throw me in a hospital is if I had a plan AND a time line. That is how she differentiates between the urgent and the normal suicidal thoughts of a depressed person.