Thank you precaryous. He has said he felt attracted a year ago. Through this year, I think I keep seeing signs of it, but he does not want to talk about it anymore. I want him to acknowledge whether or not my sense that he still feels attracted during therapy is true. Sometimes I wonder if I am imagining it because he has become so cagey about talking about his feelings. If what I am sensing is correct, then I want him to reassure me somehow that even though he may show signs of being attracted while we are talking about totally unrelated matters, that therapy can still happen. Couldn't he simply say: "I am feeling attracted to you right now, I wonder why this is coming up?" and then we discuss further. Alternatively, he could say his attraction is getting in the way of therapy and we should end (he doesn't seem to think this is the case).

I think I am trying to deal with the issues that brought me to therapy, and I have made some progress, but more and more, I feel my feelings for him and the whole situation interferes with my life outside therapy. For example, I think my outburst and smashing the plate at home was because I was angry at him (and at being stuck in a nearly sexless relationship). But since I cannot take out that anger on him, I took it out at home. My mother would do this and I hate seeing myself become the same way, just because I happen to have a partner who tolerated it once. He deserves better.

Sometimes, because of the therapist, I am afraid no man will ever measure up for me, and this causes conflicts in my relationships where I cannot separate what the real problems are and what is an artifact of my feelings about the therapist.