Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
Im sorry, that sounds difficult. I'm glad you sought a second opinion about it.
I would feel uncomfortable, frustrated and insecure in a relationship like that.
I would wonder, can he be an effective T for me if he finds me attractive? Is his attraction to me distracting him?
Might he terminate me if I continue to talk about it?
He could discuss healthy boundaries.
He could at least explore this with you- why do I find myself in relationships like this?
He could discuss this-
"After two sexually dead long term relationships over 8 years and 2 years of this with the therapist, I wonder sometimes, where to I find all these men who are so attracted to me and yet have such iron willpower not to take any action."
Frack, do you stay with this T because you are attracted to him? I wonder, why do you stay?
Is he a good therapist in other ways? Does he have supervision?
I have had a relationship similar to this with a T. We became intimate. Afterwards, he was cagey like your T when I asked him what happened to the intimacy? He said things like, "I'll let you know.." (I'll let you know if I feel I want us to be intimate again.)
I became a stressed out mess. Had I done something wrong? Was he angry with me? I finally decided that I would not let him determine how my life would go. I told him that *I* decided we would not be intimate again.
Your T has told you he doesn't want to discuss his feelings/attraction to to you any further. You get to decide if you are willing to put up with that.
Hope therapy works out for you.
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Thank you for talking to me about it so calmly and nicely and for understanding my feelings. This is what I was hoping for in part from the other therapist I saw.
I'm so sorry to hear what you went through (I know from your previous posts it was even worse). I know a little how messed up you must have felt because I had a similar experience with an uncle as a teen who was a mentor to me. I also feel that intimacy from my T would devastate me further.
Why do I stay? Yes, because I do feel that besides how we talk about this issue, he has been a good therapist for me. He navigated with me through ending my last relationship (of 7 years - at the start of therapy I couldn't imagine how I would leave, and wasn't even sure if I should, but after a year, I found the resources to do it, and I have not regretted it, it was a very good decision). He also helps me see how my anxieties arise and persist, and I feel he is a good guide for me.
I think I also consider staying because he seems so convinced that there is a way through for me, across these feelings. I want very badly to trust him, to believe that he knows how to take good care of me. Intellectually, I also know that to go through the transference can be painful but that a resolution is possible, and I wonder, could it really happen for me? Of course, at the same time, the thought of this desire for him dissipating makes me unbearably sad. I wonder what I am really sad for.
Lastly, I also keep seeing him because I have no close friends nearby (my closest friends who I confide in are my sister in the UK and a friend who lives in Israel) with whom I can talk regularly and he is my only source of support, and this is an especially stressful time