I guess the "final straw" was a very scary (medical) diagnosis, which isn't life threatening ...

But I've had this pain all my life, or most of it

The parents were sub optimal, they taught me lessons but not lessons that would be likely to help a child to have a "happy" life... They taught me I'm "never good enough"
And some appalling "therapy" reinforced that toxic schema

For the past 4 years I've been allergic to so many things, including probably my reading glasses... That life has been like an insane carousel, I'm barely hanging on

All the shaming words of the abusers go round and round in my head

And although few, if any, get it, my extreme allergies do make me "useless" 'I hate it