I'm not sure if this is the right area to post this as I am fairly new to this site and posting so please bear with me. I have just recently started therapy for really the first time. I'm in my 30s. It was a tough decision, but I think it is the right one for me at this time. I really like my T and it seems he "gets" me and has been patient with my often inability to open up. I actually do want to tell him, but the words get stuck somehow and I have communicated this to him. Anyway, in our last session he suggested I try and close my eyes and see if that helped me talk. I closed my eyes, but the words still wouldn't come. So, he asks, kinda out of the blue, if I had ever been r***d. I managed a meager yep to which he said he had guessed that was a posibility and he knew he surprised me with the question. I'm mixed about his method, but realize it was probably a necessity to get the cards on the table. My anxiety went insane. I couldn't look at him. I was shaking a little and ended up biting my lip pretty bad. He didn't push, but asked if this was a topic I wanted to continue to address with him or not. He said he didn't want to "retraumatize" me or anything if I wasn't ready. He left it entirely up to me. I told him I would try and made an appointment for next week.

Now, in the light of the next day, I'm completely embarassed both for how I acted in his office (like some sort of drama queen or something) and I feel like I made a big deal of stuff that happened years ago and it really wasn't that bad. I wasn't dragged into an alley and beaten or anything. I was able to drive home, go on with life. I've since been to college, got married (hubby doen't know of any of my past), and had a kid. How could it have been that bad if I was able to "move on" as I have? I just feel like I'm acting so stupid and just need to get over it. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt this way.