I remember clearly a conversation with my father when I was 3 years old. He was talking to me about m*st*rb*ting -- which I already did frequently at that age, being born hypersexual and prone to fetishism -- and I remember him asking whether I'd ever "rubbed" myself down there, whether I'd ever kept doing it until I got a "big tickle" all over my body (orgasm), etc. Afterwards he told me not to tell anyone about our conversation, that it was something that should be "just a secret between daddies and their little girls". I have NO memories of him ever touching me inappropriately or anything like that, but this conversation disturbs me. I have sex with spirit beings, demons mainly -- feel free to regard that as hallucinatory content if you don't get it (I'm not here to argue the supernatural) -- and one time in the bathtub an amorous spirit came upon me and as it merged inside me and we were having it off, I realized it was my father, or something I was supposed to receive as my father (who is now deceased). I NEVER had any sexual fantasies for my father while growing up, that I recall. I WAS m*l*sted by older boys in my neighborhood for 3 years, between ages 6-9, but I don't recall any m*l*st*tion by kin or family.

Was this conversation with my father something that would be considered a form of s*xu*l ab*se? I hope this isn't a dumb question. I've basically dealt with my other ab*se issues already -- this one has just bugged me off & on for years. When I first remembered the line about "secret between daddies & their little girls" it freaked the CRAP out of me cuz I could not recall the reason I'd heard that line. Eventually I remembered the m*st*rb*tion conversation so that gave it context (and me some relief!) but I'm still wondering -- is this something that would be regarded as ab*se? After all he didn't touch me, even if the conversation was pretty inappropriate.