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You've never said, are you in therapy? I think you could benefit greatly from face to face counseling. In face to face therapy there is two way conversation and immediate feedback. Instead of going behind your parents back and buying banned items you might want to put that money towards therapy.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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