Missing SD too. Hope you and your person are OK.

Meanwhile, my eating disorder thoughts are kicking into high gear due to unexplained weight gain ( pos hormones as my periods are all screwed up). I feel like I'm losing my mind. Part of me is like "you know it'd be easier to buy bigger jeans than to relapse again. No one cares or notices"
But another part of me is just going mad.
I even thought about giving myself horse hormones to cycle my ovaries even though that can like, kill you. In case that is why I'm gaining weight.
Technically I don't weigh myself but I've gained an inch or so. Its also possible since I've been doing a lot of yoga core work and I gain muscle fast due to my mitochondrial disorder, that I've actually bulked out my abdominals, as my massage therapist recently commented my core muscles were bigger and stronger. But that seems far fetched

Losing. My. Mind.
And at 41 and 5 ft tall with a long history of starvation and a metabolic disease its not like weight exactly falls off me these days even when I don't eat at all.
So I can't even make myself happy.

I really want to relapse even though I know that would be an awful choice when j am so close to overcoming my body dysmorphia