Well I decided that dying is better than worrying about my health and worrying about that I am going to die and being afraid of that.

So I have resolved to be positive however bad my illness with my heart and down below is,even if it is cancer I am going to fight for health and life.

I mean I have no control over whether I die or not but I can control my thinking and whether I am positive and help myself heal or whether I am negative and make my conditions worse.

So whatever the situation I am going to help myself, and love myself.I am important unlike what my narc mother and narc sister think and feel they hate me and want me dead.

I am valuable and important and deserve all the understanding and compassion I can give myself and care,so I will be sticking to a healthy diet for my heart and losing weight and doing all I can for the good of me and my health!

This way I can at least feel much better throughout whatever conditions I am fighting to heal.Having changed my attitude in this way I have stopped feeling so tired and ill and actually feel my angina is much improved already so that is good!

God bless and keep us,I think this has happened to test my faith and to show me God's love is with me and will get me through and save me, I do not need to worry either way God is with me and keeping me close embraced in his love!