Quote:
Originally Posted by Noitartst
Apathy/Learned Helplessness is dis-associative, so I thought I'd post here; I thought I might continue my old thread, but decided to start anew.
Well, per Karla McLaren, I've decided to do some conscious complaining, to a a church bishop, who hasn't replied to something I've written, in half a year, basically:
Dave, I have waited for nearly half a year to reply my paper, criticizing, dis[puting, whatever, but nothing has happened; if you agree, it is the vote of confidence, I sought; if it logic is disputed, then let's get the debate on it begun!
I have asked for two things: First, I have asked for either your direct involvement, or else, someone else, like a theologian, to at least pass judgment on my logic/theology, and you have supplied me with neither.
At its core, the issue with my family is largely about traffic protocols; we seem to think we both have the right of way, and who actually does needs to be straightened out, specifically the theological aspect.
The reluctance of my local elders to treat my accusations against my family as indictments, AKA formal charges of serious crimes, has been the major sticking point, alright? Maybe the charge ain't grounded, but all the same, I want the feelings, and seriousness of the claim blame well respected, and they haven't done that.
Also, here is another annoyance: When I lay out the annoyance, the elders have replied, that I should "forgive," but here's a problem: When you've got a dispute with someone in the church, you bring in another, but what does it mean to "forgive"?
Is merely an attitude issue? To me, it is merely that, and by no means, a deal-breaker; if some kids vandalize your lawn, and you decide to sic the police on them, the police don't usually lecture you on "forgiving" vandals--instead, they merely ask if you wish to press charges or no.
My view of elders, essentially, are policemen: they are there because they listened to neither the Bible, nor me. Am I angry? Of course I am--but I am following the Scripture, and they are not; my prerogative to press charges is a given, but my decision to do so hinges on whether they wish to reconcile.
I just want a reaffirmation of my prerogatives, and integrity by the elders, and little more, framework to resolve disputes.
On the other hand, any demand by the elder that I "forgive" I take umbrage to.
My decision to call the in the elders, i.e. the cops--is not for the elders to judge. Maybe I am doing it for the wrong reasons, and maybe I deserve some warnings beforehand, but then again, any indicted party by me can counter-indict, okay? In short, it cancels itself out, so the elder need not get too involved with my motives.
Punishment can be done for petty or benevolent reasons--I think my reasons good, but I daresay I still have the option to press charges, i.e. get affirmation that I have reason to be outraged over my family's hypocrisy, and prooftexting. Do I expect them to listen? No--but it validates me, and adds stature to any actions I might take on my own to rebuke them in the future.
Maybe we differ on the role of the elders, Dave, and neither you nor they may see themselves as law enforcement, but me, I see no reason not for the elder to tell my mother why I'm angry, how it is a good reason on principle I am, and proceed to mediate there, allowing I may be a liar, completely delusional, or simply dispensing with half-truths.
I can live with such a hedge real easy, I assure.
I wish we'd started this much sooner, Dave; this could have been dealt with last year. I wish not to embarrass any within the church leadership, but I do want, and expect my my prerogative duly honored. Like I said, I want--and expect this taken care of--one way or another.
If you want to distance yourself from having aided me, I'll understand, but I do expect assistance, and I expect it in a timely manner--let's say, two months.
There--a conscious pomplaint, but with a proposal to resolve it, though with an indirect hint of repercussions--i.e. to the powers that be.
Think I should send? Tighten its reasoning? What I want, more than anything, is to confront my family, and this is a key first step, a controlled one.
Thoughts? |
Should you send this letter to the church...only you can do that, Tighten its reasoning again only you can do that...both are dependent upon what you want to achieve and how you want to go about it, what your own locations laws and rules are for problems like this.
what we can do is tell you how we would approach this issue if this problem was our own...
for example if I had a problem with the church the first thing I would do is schedule a face to face appointment where each side could talk about what the problem is, talk about what definitions mean to them...
for example though some locations used the term dis associate and dissociate (no a between two s's) interchange ably my location does not. the first here in my location means to purposely not do something, to purposely stop doing somethings, where as the other in my location means a person got triggered and felt numb, spaced out, disconnected.
having two different definitions can cause problems in my location. if a church said to me that I was dis associatve that would mean they think I am in control of my behavior and able to act\ behave appropriately where as if they told me I was dissociating they would be meaning I cant control whats going on. this could be a cause for misunderstandings if I felt they were using the two terms to mean the first definition. by scheduling a face to face I would be able to hash out what they feel is going on vs what I think is going on.
the next thing ......I ...... would do if I was thinking of writing to the church about a problem is after writing what I wanted to from a feelings point of view then when re reading and editing process I would take out any of my words that have to do with fighting, arguing and put in things like knowing we dont agree but hopefully we can come to an understanding and a compromise on how to solve the problem.
Im a religious person so if I was writing the above letter....... I...... would not give the church ultimatums (do this or else that kind of stuff). the church isnt there to do my bidding. its there to educate others on religion, and counsel people in that religion and its parishioners can sometimes receive mental health therapy from their church. theres nothing in a churches laws, bylaws or state laws for religious establishments that state churches and religious establishments have to write back to me or do things my way or agree with me. In fact those in my area dont have the time to write back to someone. they usually call up a parishioner that has a problem and ask them if they would like to come in to talk with them. if a person sends them a letter saying write back or else they put it aside and wait until a time when they can call that person and say hey I got your letter would you like to come in and talk with me I can see you on this day and time or they put the letter aside and wait for the parishioner to decide to come in. I think of my church and religious establishments like I do my doctors. they dont seek me out, I go to them.
Again in regards to your questions we cant tell you what to do, all we can tell you is what we would do if this was our own letter and problem. only you can decide what you want to do.
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