Thank you all for your responses, it helps!
Sorry, it took a while to get back.

I thought about what you said Rayna, yes.... al-anon, why didnt that seem to work for me? I remember being in one meeting and listening to a chair, about 'letting go', and I realised, i'm not holding onto anything, this obsession is like its cemented and holding onto my guts.... its not me thats holding on! Later that year I found more information which went deeper to explain my situation.

I find open AA meetings more helpful than al-anon. In fact I have just started a big book study, I think in the US, its called 'back to basics'. (here they do it for anyone, you dont have to be an AA) I think its going to be good. I'll see how I am after that, its very intense, I got part way throught before, had an ussue with the leader, where I felt out of integrity, dropped out, and now I'm starting again.

Its just in all the existing fellowships I had weirdnesses that I couldnt find identification with. Now I've learnt what all that is about, and there isnt actually a fellowship for this, but Im doing my best to putting one together. So in the meantime Im sharing here, everyones goodwill is helpful.

I believe someone here knows about the contact details for 'smart'? I'd appreciate if you read this, I'd like to get them.

So, thanks for responding and caring.


river