i have been writing in my journal trying to put some thought into what i want to do about the mother situation trying to decide what is best for me when i have no idea what that would be . can i live with the guilt i would feel if i cut all contact with her . i did that for many years in the past. when i had my son i started talking to her again. i wanted him to have some family . she had never been really mean to him until now . the other option is to keep her in my life and deal with the chaos . she will never abide by my boundaries and will never change . but being who i am i will know i have done my best and that will curb the guilt . and she will be taken care of .