A man like "him" does not need enabling (if he is anything like my dad was). You have 2 choices, if he gets out of line, y'all can leave and if he doesn't, y'all can visit. I and my husband dislike his dad and hated mine. It got to the point that I would not go to my parents without my husband with me. My dad died in 2008 at 77. My mom and I have only begun to know and enjoy each other after that. AT LAST

Maybe your bf is hoping for something similar. He is accustomed to it and willing to put up with it so he can be there for his mom when he dies. If he disrespects his dad openly, it will just create an illogical fight on the dad's part. And another bad memory for his mom too. I put up with my dad so I could be there for my mom and this new relationship we have.

I totally disrespect my husbands father and no longer go with my husband to visit him. He lives in another town. But my husband goes a few times a year to see him and check on him. Although he doesn't like his dad, who fails to recognize my husband's integrity and personal accomplishments, my husband still seeks that "I'm proud of you" or "I love you" So I refuse to see the man who still hurts my husband's feelings and self worth.

We have been completely open about our feelings regarding parents. My husband supports me in not going to his dad's. And I pick up the pieces when he gets home. My husband has a strong sense of responsibility and just wouldn't forgive himself if he didn't check on his dad. (My husband's mother died in 1970.) Bottom line, you and your serious bf should be able to share each others feelings regarding anyone besides you two. Just keep it between yourselves. You don't have to change how you feel, and you certainly should not feel guilty at all. As bad as it may sound, keeping the peace is your job. If that means you don't go, so be it.

I liked Frank's post. I hope my experience was of some help. We have been married over 40 yrs and it has worked for us. We are the unit, our parents are outsiders. They could never touch what we have. We put our marriage first.