I have just taken leave from work and it's now 11.30pm, and I have to get up in 8 hours to go back. I am having a huge amount of anxiety, and have been depressed all day, because I hate my job so much. I am about to work days straight, and I have to be alone for half the day, dealing with ****** customers who seem to neglect to care that I am actually a person, staff not listening to me when I say I want to be left alone on my few days off, and working so much that I'm too exhausted to do anything when I get home. I've been having health problems because my stress for my job is so high. I wish I could enjoy it, but I'm still awake because I know the sooner I go to sleep the sooner I have to go to that place.

I keep being told to find a new job, but it's really just not that easy. If I could just find a new job I'd have one by now. I earn 45.5k a year, have a number of expenses and pre-approval on home loan, I would be giving up a lot to just leave. But at the same time my job makes me so depressed that I have attempted suicide at the beginning of the year, a few days before I had to go back to work (it was a snowball of things but the stress of going back to work was the real fuel to it). I literally ended up in hospital, slept 16 hours because of what I overdosed on was still in my system, then a day later went back to do a 7 day week at work having to pretend I was perfectly fine. It's been 6 months and what I did still haunts me.

I really just don't know what to do, there is no easy answer to my situation. One of my health problems has similar symptoms to cancer (though I'm sure it's not), and the concept of it has actually been exciting to me because it means I'd HAVE to end up leaving my job. That is a really terrible frame of mind I know.

Anyway I just really needed to vent because this has been plaguing my mind all day and I can only stay awake so long...