Hi everybody. I look forward to being a part of your community: give & take.

For a long time, mornings have been depressing for me, good sleep or bad. I just get up, make coffee, take my meds, walk the dogs, and do some thinking. Now that may be a dangerous activity in itself perhaps?

The last few days have been worse.

A friend betrayed. At least that's how it seemed and felt. I try to use principles of realizing and resentment, looking at my side, and giving us both forgiveness. Even if she doesn't really need it. She is probably right. She said, "you are 'off' and erratic. You're all about yourself and your experiences." That is probably true, at least part of the time. I'm in AA and I can recognize when my pain and blame is because I hurt and my pride has been hurt.

It still hurts. I don't know how many of you believe in a "higher power," but I do. My prayers have helped me realize that I'm dealing with a resentment and my feelings are not the reality. But I am really having a hard time getting past this and it's harder to recover from my morning depressions.

I have made manic choices in my recent past, even though most of the time I am fairly stable. IDK what I need to do next.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Maybe you have helpful ideas. I don't have suicidal thoughts at all, but it is harder to keep going and I need to snap out of this.