Hi Freddiedog

I wouldn't even be advising you to be considering someone new in your life right now, it sounds like you've been through a lot
And I'd say that you need some "time out" to start to be healing from some of what you must have been through
Suffering from emotional abuse can take a massive toll in lots of ways, and can take time to recover from.
And although I can understand that it's probably, in some ways, really hard and really painful to have lost that person/relationship..........please try to see the ending as a positive in your life.........it may take some time to feel that............but if you can try??
No amount of "affection" is worth what you've been through/is worth being mentally tortured for.

And you...........it might be so hard to believe right now that you don't have to need someone to help make things "right"..........but you honestly don't.
If for now, or when you're ready, you can focus on other areas of your life.........and doing things that make you feel good.........or even valued if that might be something to help you..........there may even be things that this relationship held you back from doing either in practical or emotional ways, and perhaps things you can now "allow" yourself to do in moving on.

And while you obviously got something from her being there...........there can be other much more important feelings you can build on from being away from the relationship..........things that relationship (as it was) might have compromised to a point e.g. feeling that you really matter, feeling that you are really important, feeling real significance/achievemnt in your life..........and those are feelings that there can be ways to improve on. Just give yourself time

And lastly..........like I said, I'm not even sure I want you to be thinking about this right now..........but............you can be 50.........60.......70.........80..........90............and there can still be the real chance of someone coming into your life who gives you the love and affection you so deserve and for you to feel the same way about them too........it happens..........there are endless possibilities...........
But hey, maybe keep that thought for another day

Alison