Hugs. I know exactly how you feel. I've battled anorexia in my past and suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder in addition to My BPD. I've gained a decent amount of weight in the last 6 months and I feel horrible about myself. Sometimes I'll get dressed and do makeup and all of that and then still feel so horrible that I can't leave the house. I know that's due to the BDD and not he bipolar but it's still a super hard thing to deal with. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Just know you're not alone.