I believe that when you first start a relationship you should first be "friends". I fell in love with my "friend". I knew him externally since 2006. I finally mustered up the courage to have an intimate relationship with this person this July 08, 2015. I am an extrovert and he is an introvert. He labels me as a narcissist and put blame on me for the ending of our relationship. I have been accused of being controlling and jealous. I suppose one is jealous when they are trying to gain approval from their partner all the time. I can't just start there, I need to give you more "meat and potatoes".

We started dating shortly after he had a gathering at his house of coworkers. Yes, we worked together. I know it is not favorable to date someone you work with because when there is conflict, it is felt all over. We started dating about 3 weeks later. I felt that we handled it well though. We flirted quite a bit. We worked as nurses and was working in the same unit. We could sit near each other and send flirty texts to one another. I admit I was the aggressor and he was shy like. He didn't initiate much. I had this fake facade of myself that I wanted people to see me as a "man manipulator," a "flirt," "a player," "dominatrix"..., etc. I never let anyone know that I desired to find true love. I was hiding behind this fake exterior. So this is the person he thought he knew. Already at the start of the relationship I was crying and sobbing. He told me that he couldn't trust me. It was then that I was driven to prove myself to him. I always had a crush on "B". He was so beautiful and sexy to me. I just knew that once I was with him, that when I gave myself to him, I would be complete with my search. I knew he was the one for me. I would be totally honest, loyal, and faithful to him. I am making this decision with my whole being. And I knew that I had to win him over. I had to show him that this person he thought he knew was not the real me.

I had to make my move on him a few month before we started dating because I had heard that he had recently walked a nurse to her car. I thought he was not emotionally available. That was my chance to let him know I was in love with his being. I was in love with my "friend". Things took off and I didn't hold back. And now I am heart broken today. Wondering what happened to my "friend"?

I told him about a poem I read:
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
E. E. Cummings

He is not into poetry so I know he wouldn't understand that he unpeeled me pedal by pedal. He opened me up to love. It was an amazing eye opening experience for me. I felt alive at the beginning. But then I began to lose myself. I began to notice that I was not "loving" myself as much.

Why did I try to date my "friend"? Why did I lose him? What happened to our trust? What happened to our communication?

We started dating and it was awesome. I felt close to him. I knew he had issues with trust. He hasn't had many long termed relationships. I've heard stories of past relationships that didn't work out. There was one I knew he would have married when he was about 20 years old. He went away to work out of state, and she was to come meet him but she began seeing someone else. They later had an affair while she was married. But they still didn't work out after a few attempts. He lost his dad to suicide. I don't know all the particulars but I knew I wasn't dealing with a stable person. I emailed one of his sisters and she said she was sorry he hurt me and told me that there is a reason why his is almost 50 and not married.

Even though I have told you little of his history, I can't understand what happened to our friendship. We were friends first. I understand that our relationship is lost but why are people so insensitive?

I am 45 and he just made 49 July 31. He has never been married. I was married for 7 years and divorced now for 10 years. He has no children. I have 2 boys. I have one living with me at 14 years old and a 21 year old away at college about to graduate.

I have just recently be dumped by a boyfriend that I have dated for a year. I have been knowing this person as a friend since 2006. I was in fantasy with this person. I thought I knew this person. I admit I had issues of competition and jealously. He lives 40 minutes away. I would travel to see him often. I would spend the night. I was in school and I would sacrifice my studies for him. I sacrificed my household chores, I would buy him things, I would write letters, give him cards, and I even got his name tattooed on my hip. I had been accused of narcissism. I would truly accept it if I truly felt that way. I wasn't love bombing him, I was loving him with all that made me a woman. I was praying to GOD for his help. My latest taboo was to get pastoral care and read tarot cards for guidance.

He had problems with how I acted at work. I was told many times that he felt I didn't want him to talk to his coworkers at work. Our relationship was a "friendship" with benefits. I understand now that we weren't dating. If we were officially dating then he would have respected "personal space" at work. When he had free time at work, he didn't reach out to me. He'd rather talk with others at work (females). Really? He lived 40 minutes away and we finally got a chance to see each other at work to give a little attention when time allowed us to. We work every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So I looked forward to seeing him. As we dated, I felt so isolated and abandoned when we worked. Then it became a big deal to him because I mentioned it and when I mentioned it, it became a big conflict. Then I just felt that they more I said something, the more it irritated him. Then it was like he avoided me more. Then I felt that with him working being the only male nurse, he liked being needed by others. He made a comment one day probably by accident that he found a conversation with "someone else" he was conversing with more interesting. I felt that! So then it became a big deal that he focused on that I wouldn't let him talk to his coworkers at work. If you make it a big deal, then maybe it is a big deal. I then developed a problem with it and he complained about it all the time. There was a big trust issue. He would communicate with this ex girlfriend that he was in love with that he almost married. He would talk to her while seeing me. I felt the threat because I feel that she had a hold on him. I contacted her on Facebook and questioned her involvement with him. Of course she knows the hold she has on him. She was at that time engaged to be married, and now married. But it was that one time before work we were sitting in my car before work and his phone rang, it was her! He silenced it! I wondered why? If I had nothing to worry about, why did he silence the call? His comeback was because he didn't want to have to answer for it. He never wanted to answer for anything.

Another big thing that led to our "breakup" was he sleep schedule. He would alway complain that he doesn't get enough sleep. He takes medication to sleep. I understand that he needed to sleep when he felt sleep coming on. But many times I felt that he took medication to escape. I would be in limbo every morning waiting to hear from him. I needed to know what mood he was going to be in. I felt that he would wake up one morning and end things with me. I was putting all my emotional self into this relationship and I knew he didn't feel the same way about me. I was walking on eggshells. Then because I didn't honor his sleep schedule, then he said I began to "treat him like a child". I wouldn't let him go to sleep when he wanted. The morning he broke up with me it was that he woke up in a funky mood. He first said that he wanted to get up and get out of the house, then he said he wanted to go back to sleep. I asked if he was okay and I started prying. I wanted to know if he was in a bad mood because of me. He said no. I replayed this day over and over in my head because I should've let him sleep. We would still be together. But would that necessarily be a good thing? He always had this thing with putting his phone on do not disturb when he didn't want to talk. He talked to me when he wanted. He never really listened to my feelings. I cared so much about his feelings and his trust issues that I didn't not socialize as much and I didn't want to get "caught" talking to the opposite sex. I let him track me on "Find Friends" and "Life 360" on our phones. He would track me but rarely let me track him. I felt that I was doing everything to gain his trust. I love him! That's what you do right? I lost myself in all this. I stopped loving myself. I loved this "whatever relationship" more! I started getting verbally abused with being called narcissist, being manipulative, controlling, and exhibiting morbid jealousy.

Back to that day he broke up with me; the day I began to grieve. That day he went to sleep after giving me mixed emotional messages. I felt that I needed to show my support being his girlfriend. I really didn't want him to be sulking over there thinking that I didn't care. I could have let him go to sleep and deal with things himself. I should not have tried to help. I became annoying to him. I called him. I thought he was just saying he was sleeping to avoid me, so I gave it a little time. I tried to call back and his phone when straight to voicemail. I felt unable to help him and be there for him. I began with leaving not so favorable voicemails. It was then he went into is shell. He talked to me later and was just fed up with everything. There are no specifics for the breakup. He just labels the reason being my narcissistic and controlling attitude. I admit I wasn't perfect. He has googled and diagnosed me. I have taken narcissistic quizzes for him. I have watched many youtube videos he has emailed me. I was taking my criticism like a champ! I was emotional and passionate and I fell in love hard. I picked this man to love for the rest of my life. I'm hard on myself because now feel like I have wasted time. I know it takes 2 to have a relationship with but when you find love, you try hard to nourish it. I knew he had never had love like me before. I wanted to show him that he was worth it. That same day, I told him that I was heading to his house. I told him that I wanted use to talk face to face. If he didn't feel anything, then we could go our separate ways. He was against me going because he wanted to go into his shell. I told him I was on my way and he said, "See you when you get here".

I didn't call on my 40 minute route. I just pulled up to his house. I texted I was there, and he usually raises the garage door but it didn't go up but I didn't think anything of it. I got out of my car all hopeful of us communicating in person. I rang the doorbell. I waited. I knocked on the door. I listened closely because I thought the doorbell wasn't ringing inside his house. Then I heard the doorbell was ringing. I could hear it outside the door. I stood there. I reached for my phone and saw my messages were a different color which told me he blocked my texts. I went to call and my calls went straight to voicemail. I felt the choke around my neck. He had already unfriended me on Facebook. I don't know why being unfriended hurts. Then after we conversed on Facebook messenger he has since blocked me there too! Then I blasted everything on Facebook when he closed communication off from me. I wanted to reach out to anyone who would listen. I didn't care if we shared the same friends in our circle. That truly bothered him that I "blasted" him in front of our mutual friends. He didn't want people to know how he was when in an intimate relationship. Then I started emailing him by regular, so that is how we have been conversing. Just last week, I've sent him balloons, flowers, and begged for his forgiveness. I was willing to sell my soul to the devil to get him back.

Then I started reaching out to therapist and receiving pastoral counseling. I told "B" that I am receiving therapy as he suggests but he is finding out that narcissism is not my diagnosis. He tells me I need to find another therapist! I guess I have to find the therapist that labels me a narcissist! (I'm laughing) I exhibit codependency and a love addict experiencing emotional manipulation by a man not wanting to admit that he is the true narcissist. I was the friend trying to become more than a friend. I am being punished with abandonment and the more I give him attention by being apart, I am still feeding his ego. I'm having a hard time losing the friendship. It has been since July14th I've been settling for any form of communication I can get from him. He says we need to continue to communicate by email until he is ready to talk on the phone. I know that what we have is not a healthy form of communication. It like I am there for him but I'm getting nothing.

I have been in a fake relationship for a year. Keep in mind that I have been having a crush on this guy for 10 years. Now I realized that I was in a relationship with a friend. Now I am accepting that I wasn't in a true relationship and I am having a hard time losing someone I called a friend for so many years. I am having a hard time losing everything; mostly the friendship.