I've been dealing with a lot of issues of shame, stemming from an incident that happened at fifteen, and my morality has been gutted ever since, troubled by guilt over how I handled it.

I have a strong sense of honor, and this needs to be dealt with in an honorable way, so I will stop feeling the shame of this past incident. What I want is recognition of my logic, integrity, and authority of what I tried to do.

I was disrespected, wrongly disrespected, and I want that duly honored. It wasn't revenge, but principle, but even so, it was never dealt with by my mother, brother, or anyone else.

I was standing up for my mother as the eldest son, I was disrespected; it stains me to this day, and has never been dealt with.

This issue has been ignored and trampled on by my shrinks, but I expect it thoroughly dealt with. Closure means recognizing and honoring me where right, and I was never more right than in 1993. Looking back, it makes me still feel like a child.

To me being a man, means rebuking my family, specifically my mother and brother, and having "authority" (however you slice that) honor it.

That is the way to deal with my shame: Honor and respect in where I buckled to others, and never fully shouldered my duties of confronting others, specifically holding my family accountable.

How to find the right help?

PS: The issue of authority is key; I want it honored by myself and others, just as it was dishonored.

The way of resolving my shame issues are beginning to emerge, finally, even if it alienates my family; should've been far simpler.

My integrity has had a hard time setting boundaries, and that's because I've felt guilty doing so.

Now, I start to feel better, but can I trust anyone to support and validate my prerogative? I need a way to publicly honor it--and me; I feel a bit wholer, already.