This is kind of embarrassing for me to talk about. I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I wonder if I should talk about this with her . I have been having difficulty at work. I've been very antsy. I am having trouble focusing. All I think about is all the fun I could be having if I wasn't there. It's difficult for me to sit still and I don't have a job I can just get up and walk around. I actually get anxiety over this. It's really embarrassing. It doesn't help things that I keep messing up at work either. It's really not like me and I love the people I work with. So I know it's not that.

I have also been feeling super excited for absolutely no reason . It's a real letdown when life isn't as magical as your mind makes it out to be. All I want to do is play. This is making responsibility extraordinarily difficult for me. It's funny I did not have this before. Generally, I don't have a problem at work.

On the flip side, sometimes I get so irritable and angry I don't want to leave my bedroom but I really have no choice. I was so angry at work one day that I had trouble coming down. I was in the back room crying for 20 min with my manager trying to calm me down. I get extremely sensitive to noise. Even the super cold temp my family keeps the house at is uncomfortable. All of this makes me so suicidal. I would not have to deal with any of it anymore!