So last year I put my wife through hell and frustrated people by ending up in the hospital 4 times. Lately I have been realizing just how bad I must have made people feel because I have been on the other side of it trying to help a friend. I just feel that I will never be able to make things up to my wife. I have apologized to her and my T but they both say there is no need to. I have been doing well for about 4 months but these ruminating thoughts are returning. I don't feel like I am slipping into that dark hole again but the suicidal thoughts have returned. I just don't know what is wrong. I can't put my finger on it. My T thinks it is situational this time and that I need to get some things sorted out. She said whenever I get low I don't want to be a part of my family anymore. I have been feeling disconnected from my wife and kids lately. We are on vacation right now with my parents and sister's family but while they spend time at the beach I just stay in the house. I just feel like I want to disappear.

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