Well you said yourself that it was not dating and was friendship with benefits, not official relationship. It explains his lack of commitment. Have you ever just met somewhere rather than ending up in his house over night. Like did he ever just took you out without sex or you met half way for a walk? That's usually indication of actual relationship when it doesn't lead to sex every single time.

He sounds like he isn't worth 5 minutes of your time. You drive there and he says he'll be there but wouldn't open the door? Yeah . And now he says you just need to email?

Do you two still work together? It must be tough.

I'd start grieving and healing and move on. Good luck

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