Hello MissMarti: Wow... I doubt there's much I can add to the wonderful reply you received from Wild Coyote! From my perspective, I think your friend should have asked first. I think her desire to surprise you overran her judgement with regard to what was the appropriate way to handle something like this. And as a result it created an unfortunate & awkward friendship-straining situation.

There's an author whose writings I am particularly fond of by the name of Parker J. Palmer. And in some of his writings, Palmer talks about how people can sometimes use advice as a means of divesting themselves of their self-imposed responsibility to be "helpful". So, for example, I imagine that as a friend I should try to help you to feel better. So I advise you to do "X". Then, if you say: "I can't do 'X'," or "I don't want to do 'X'," then it's no longer my responsibility because "I tried." I've now absolved myself of my feelings of responsibility. Does that make sense? (Palmer says it much more eloquently.) But hopefully you get the idea. Something similar may have been at the heart of the incident you describe. I don't know. Anyway, hopefully the two of you will be able to find a pathway forward. I send warm wishes your way with the hope that it might be so...