Hey Kuff, I feel the same, but one thing I realized is I didn't have friends leave me, I isolated myself from them. With Mental Illness a lot of people don't know how to address it, so they hope and wait for you to open to them. I've lost a lot of people too and I have yet to find the words to let them in. I'm also afraid that they will see the wreck I have become. I've be faking happiness to people so they don't worry about me, which in turn makes the think I am fine. Believe me, I've been dealing with this for years, I'm 43 and feel that I have nothing else I can lose. You know who I can open up to? People with the same illness. Use this forum, you will get a TON of great advice. Hope you can eventually work things out!