Sorry to hear about ur husbands struggles
I know that must put a lot of stress on ur marriage as well.
I am not familiar with ur story overall so u will have to excuse me if I'm asking redundant questions...
Is he in treatment? Does he have problems "showing up" to the rest of his life, or is it just work related? Is his dx ad/hd or is that yours? Just curious...I am dxd w/ add and I struggled for yrs w/ jobs, for a few reasons..adhd obv. can lead to time mgmt.issues...so being on time for work was Def an issue 4me...but, I also see some of my other issues peppered in his behavior. If I couldn't motivate to get up/ go in...well, I have been thru some serious bouts of deep depression which lead to that... also, the 6mnth love/hate aspect.... I am also dxd w/ BPD and before I began to understand and got into serious treatment...I went thru a lot if that kinda behavior as well and not being able to take blame for my actions was bc I didn't really understand the "why", so I couldn't really see or know how they were my fault entirely...or I simply couldn't admit my shortcomings...BS and lies about it all was sometimes to cover up my insecurities...also for me, bc of dissociation issues, sometimes it was bc I honestly didn't know what/ how I ended up not at work, which left me scrambling when confronted, so I would just kinda freak out and say whatever I thought may save my arse!...I'm not trying to DX ur H nor am I trying to excuse his behavior as I really don't know him..so can't really speculate on his reasonings...but though I would offer my experiences... Hope whatever is the root of his functioning issues is able to be addressed and resolved ... also, if he is not able to come to terms w/ his behaviors and how they effect not only his life, but urs as well..please don't let him take u down w/ his sinking ship..please take care of urself