Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauliza
I am attracted to my pdoc and I know that if I had had anything close to your experience I would be an emotional mess. If I were ever intimate with him, it would be even worse. I think this is the only reason I stay with him- because he doesn't go there, doesn't encourage anything and I know any fantasy will stay a fantasy. If there were any confusion it would be the opposite of what I need in my life. I hope you know deep down that his "iron willpower" has nothing to do with how he feels about you but how he feels about his career. It means he is a normal, mentally healthy person. Anyone else is a predator with no self control who doesn't deserve to work with other people. If he has discussed this with colleagues then he will not become intimate with you - someone will eventually report him (it doesn't have to be you). I've seen it happen and it no small issue - it will most definitely end his career. I am surprised he hasn't referred you out under the circumstances, but I think that says a lot about your relationship and how much he cares for you. I just hope you can transfer your feelings for him to someone that is more available to you. I also hope he encourages this and doesn't subconsciously discourage it to keep you focused on him.
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I don't think consciously he urges me. Maybe unconsciously, but I am not sure because he won't talk about his feelings, or just turns it on me and asks me what makes me feel that he is attracted. That makes me think that it's all in my head. Maybe it is.
How have you gone on so long working with your pdoc? Are you reaching any resolution to the transference? Are you aiming for that?
After I started dating and seeing somebody, maybe for a very short time, I felt my bf could keep my attention off of T, but it soon came back. I don't know if it is because this relationship is not right for me, or if it is just that I was already attracted to T and it would be hard for a real person to displace the fantasy I have of him.
He does care for me, but I don't think that's the reason he did not refer me. I think the reason is that in spite of any attraction, he thinks of me as any other client. he has his attraction under control and i don't think he feels anything for me emotionally. recently, he said something like it's as if I were to be attracted to a student who dissertation I was supervising (I am a professor). So I feel perhaps his attraction is not something that overwhelms him, and he thinks that he can function as my therapist. I once asked him how come his feelings seemed to be so easy for him to deal with compared to me, and he said "because it's my job". I think he is just a very practical, slightly unromantic sort of person.