what you are describing as 'criticizing' a perfectionist for doing things that made you feel bad, or hurt and otherwise holding it in not to make waves is EXACTLY what I did, only here is the truth of it...it is PROTESTING against something that is harming us, however it is, emotionally or whatever. That was MY mistake, in NOT protesting...because I was not heard. or ignored. or made to feel that what I was feeling was incorrect or stupid. I was talked over in arguments to the point that I gave up and stopped arguing altogether. There is nothing wrong with protesting against behavior that is causing you harm or making you feel bad. My problem came to a head finally when I tried to protest against what my X was doing workwise and how that was affecting our relationship. He made it clear that he liked what he was doing and was not going to stop. It still took me 3 more years to finally leave, as I was continuing to have severe bipolar episodes prior. Since I had given up making protests years before, this particular one held no weight.

You need to take back your power. While you are separated...be separated! Find yourself. It takes a while but you will do it, I am working on it myself and slowly but surely my life is going in a better direction.
((HUGS)))