Well it's certainly been an eventful couple of days. On saturday night having come back from A&E due to feeling suicidal, my step mum began abusing me. Saying I've made up my mental illness for attention. She also remarked that if my mum were alive she would not like me. I punched her in the face at this point, causing a black eye. Police were called and I was arrested for assault. I was kept in custody for 2 nights. For my own safety (they knew about my suicidal tendencies) I was then tried at court but luckily I was not charged.

​Then there was the problem of where I would go next. The social worker told me that if I go home, my siblings will be taken away, so going home wasn't an option. I thought maybe going in as inpatient was a good option. They denied me hospitalization (which I was furious at, considering I really needed help at such a vulnerable time) They instead suggested I stay at B&B's.

So now I am homeless, having to hop from B&B to B&B. Hopefully I will be going to the respite soon though.

So yeah it's been pretty eventful. I just wanted to let you know the situation as I feel quite alone in this. It's especially hard being by myself in a B&B alone with my thoughts. It's especially harder now with all of this happening and having my step mum's words echoing in my head. This is why I wanted to go in as inpatient. Being by myself is when I'm the worst, and I feel especially vulnerable at this time.

Isn't there any duty of care? I get it, they keep telling me the hospital is scary. That there are seriously mentally ill people there. But isn't that better than being dead? Also, I did say at court that I'd rather be put in prison than made homeless. I mean this is how desperate I've been feeling.

I feel so isolated. I'm not sure what's going to happen, where I'm going to stay. I feel abandoned and like I've just been left to fend for myself.

I mean I get that I shouldn't use a psychward as a shelter, but I mean I'm seriously ill anyway, and recently have attempted suicide. Apparently it still isn't enough, and I don't get it. Is it the way I appear to the psychiatrists. Meek and submissive, meaning I'll be vulnerable in the psychward to other patients? Or is it my diagnosis? The attention seeking borderline, not really suicide about her suicide attempts. Just wants attention.

Psych ward isn't the answer I know. I just want to be stable again, and be checked on and monitored so I don't do anything stupid. I'm especially at more risk now I'm in B&B's by myself.