Feeling better now. We had a good Tstorm and rain which we really needed. Been eating veggies and fruits and tofu and Mornigstarfarm non meat burgers this week. Don't know if I'll go back to meat next week or not at this point. I am enjoying cooking onions and carrots and tofu stir fry; boiled a sweet potato. Had that for dinner.

Took my Geodon full dose, I think that helped a lot.

I still haven't got a therapist for the eating disorder but am doing lots better with it anyway. Haven't been binging in I think a few weeks and only did that for awhile when I was off the Topomax for several days. I really do have a bad case of Binge Eating Disorder when I'm not on the Topomax but I was trying to do some other things when I didn't have the med, too. I was trying to stay out of the kitchen and not stay up late eating and take my sleeping meds on time and go to sleep on time.

I also do not buy any food to binge on. When at the store I often see the bakery items when I first go into the store and I look at them and then I avert my eyes over to the fruit which is better for me because I don't need all that sugar in bakery and I think natural sugars are better for me. I don't go in the aisles with all the cookies and cereals because those are things I used to binge out on. It really isn't hard to steer away from these things.

I will go for an ice cream at times with my dog and just get her a cone and me a dish of it at BK.

I feel like I have been given back the ability to eat like "normal" people do. The Topomax has really helped, so has not buying binge foods.

I also have done some work on my own about an abuse issue and it started as a dream and turned into an opportunity for me to use the aftermath of a dream and rid myself of some feelings of terror I had from what someone had done to me some 30 or so years ago. It was so freeing! I will write about it some other time and put a trigger warning on it.

Medications: Risperidone-1 mg.daily, Propranolol-20 mg. daily, Gabapentin-600 mg daily, Melatonin-3 mg. at bedtime, Nicotine Lozenges-2 mg., Vape Liquid-3 mg., One A Day Vitamins,