You haven't ruined anything at all Eden. The doctor and the nurses are right - you are very unwell at the moment, and it is really important that you get the right treatment. I know you feel well and don't think anything is wrong. That is one of the cruel ironies of mental illnesses: You don't realize how ill you were until you are on the right treatment and it is working.
You don't have to do anything at all right now. Just rest, listen to the doctors, and try the treatments they offer. I know you can't see how unwell you are, but they can, and so can the people here reading your posts. You are right where you need to be at the moment.