Welcome, Submotion. I was diagnosed with PDNOS several years ago, not schizoid. But I can understand a lot of what you write. My late husband probably had schizoid. He had a breakdown in his late 30's, before we knew each other well, and he gained access to his emotions through therapy. He was a great guy, a little different but then so am I. I loved him and I definitely felt that he loved me. So . . .I certainly hope that therapy can help you. And keep posting on PC, if you like. I find it helps to have a place where I can be myself and sometimes find people I can connect with here. Online sometimes feels safer to me than in real life, too, though I think the experience and comfort I find here sometimes makes it easier to be with people in person, too.