Bah, they moved it here. I predicted that, should have left out the schizoid part, my problems are largely connected with a form of depression and sexual dysfunction. I find it very pointless to discuss the schizoid traits themselves, they describe the current state of affairs, but do not explain the causes which are uniquely varied among individuals. That's why you don't see people relating much to each other here on these dead personality disorder forums, it's for people who have no idea why they are the way they are, but I have that covered more or less. I could be discussing the schizoid aspect until the end of time, but that is going to accomplish absolutely nothing until the causes are addressed and I'm not a schizoid, because I'm suffering from a schizoid illness or something, there is no such thing. Those are personality trait packages. People, life is ****, but let's use our heads once in a while, alright?
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Originally Posted by here today
Welcome, Submotion. I was diagnosed with PDNOS several years ago, not schizoid. But I can understand a lot of what you write. My late husband probably had schizoid. He had a breakdown in his late 30's, before we knew each other well, and he gained access to his emotions through therapy. He was a great guy, a little different but then so am I. I loved him and I definitely felt that he loved me. So . . .I certainly hope that therapy can help you. And keep posting on PC, if you like. I find it helps to have a place where I can be myself and sometimes find people I can connect with here. Online sometimes feels safer to me than in real life, too, though I think the experience and comfort I find here sometimes makes it easier to be with people in person, too.
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Hey there, thanks for the response.
I have been experimenting with myself in daily conversations with other people, I've had great opportunities to socialize since I am a student and was living near college, now I work and have similar situation, studies will continue later on.
I do believe I can regain more fluid emotions, I just do not know the approach. I need structure and a plan of action. It's not like I do not feel joy, sadness and so on at all, but just not enough to maintain healthy relationships with people. I come off as boring, uninterested, cold, distant, weird to some people, but it's not like anyone actually dislikes me, people are nice to me, they just keep their distance since on an emotional level I am doing the same. You get out of people exactly the same you invest. I need to develop the ability to connect with people just a little bit.
For example, if I abstain from degrading myself with pornography I am much more calm and better at communicating emotions around people, like a lot better, but the addiction and unnaturally high libido has adverse affects on my well being despite improved emotional state from abstaining of sexual thoughts and activity. This is one of the "paradoxes" I mentioned earlier, I hope that medication is going to help me in this regard.
It's nice that you actually enjoy from online conversations, but for me that's simply not a way how I want to "connect" with anyone. I crave eye contact, sense of smile, presence, touch, emotional closeness. I've been fertilizing my monitor for a long time, whenever I would feel lonely, sad, stressed the medication would be a substitute of pornography, but it's not real, it's an illusion. There's no one around to connect with, even while I am typing here, I do not see you, feel you at all, I address the things that you have said to me, but I will never experience the way you said those things, while I am typing here I will always be robbed of the joy of reacting to your emotions. Emotions are the only thing we people understand very well in each other.
I'm not afraid to talk to people, I don't feel how to do it, whenever people are talking around me, I feel so much more better. It's interesting to hear others converse in discussion, but somehow I feel that I just don't have a lot I can contribute. Much of what I say seems very rational, quite a few classmates have even described me as confident, stable and intelligent, I sometimes see that people do appreciate certain traits of mine, but whenever I am left alone with someone, 1 on 1 conversations... it's bad...
I think at some point I will try online dating, but I need to get to that point. I'm way to unstable even for that now.