Quote:
Originally Posted by Pennster
I find it useful sometimes if one of them has acted in a wacky way. Once my old therapist had been acting very strange- he told me later he had been angry with me. I very much regard it as his problem that he had been angry, and it didn't help all that much to be told that, but the useful aspect was that at least I had an explanation for it.
My current therapist also did something really stupid once, and when I brought it up to him a few months later (we had talked about it at the time as well), he explained what was going on in his brain (he was having a problem that had nothing to do with me but it had been distracting him). After I heard him own that I could just set it aside as a misstep based on his own stuff, so it no longer bothered me.
I guess I view it as useful as an explanation of weird behavior, but I'd prefer they keep a more even keel so it isn't necessary.
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Hm, this is a good point. I think I'd want to know later to explain weird behavior, but not right at the time. For example, my T was acting really distant from me one session earlier this year, recommending hospitalization, even though she knew I wouldn't want that, and just acting kind of clinical toward me. In that case, I was concerned she was tired of dealing with me. We discussed it a week or two later, and she said she realized she may have been getting too close to me, so she thought she wasn't being objective. So she was trying to take a step back, but apparently went too far in that direction.
So with that, I prefer to have known what was really going on in her head, mainly because it wasn't something negative toward me. But, like, if she'd said, "Yeah, I really just get tired of dealing with you sometimes," then that would be hurtful, and I feel like I'd no longer feel safe with her.
I guess in my ideal world, no one, including T and marriage counselor, would ever be angry or disappointed in or frustrated with me. Part of this is because I'm incredibly hard on myself, so someone else feeling that way toward me just makes me feel worse...which, yes, is part of why I'm in therapy! And marriage counseling, because I have to be able to deal with H being annoyed with me or even furious with me at times.
But I feel like T and MC are more like safe places, where I don't have to worry about their emotions (they've told me this). If I'm afraid they'll be mad or disappointed in me, that might keep me from telling them about certain emotions or actions,
. And if I feel I can't be open with them, then what's the point? Plus, MC, for example, has said that transference (which I have for him and to some degree for T) can help you play out stuff that happened in the past but with a different, better ending. So maybe my dad would have been upset with something I said or did, but MC is OK with it.
I'm kind of rambling now, but hopefully this makes some sort of sense! It's like if I'm assuming the worst about what T or MC is thinking, then I'd rather know I'm wrong. Because, for example, that teaches me that my friend who didn't respond to my e-mail might just be busy rather than angry at me. Or, I might be afraid to reach out to H or a friend in the middle of the night if I'm feeling bad because I'm afraid they'll be annoyed that I bothered them. So by contacting MC late at night once, apologizing the next day, and him saying "no worries," I then think, "OK, maybe my friend (or H) wouldn't be mad at me either." I'll stop now...