At this point in my life based on my health situation and my personal experience there is no way I can believe anything better than getting past the pain of this depression and then merely surviving again but never being happy other than superficially. It's not a matter of thinking I can't make it... I know I can get through this, but I am constantly questioning if it is worth the effort to get back to my normal life when my normal life is not satisfactory and many years of attempting to improve it has not only failed but led me back to the pain of depression and fighting this again.