Nothing happened... It will soon start raining. Raining ***** again. My sleep? Once 3am until 12 am. Than 6 am until 14 pm. No pattern.

Oh lol xD you have no idea what I drink quite often. A gram of promazine? Not a problem! A half gram? Like a candy! Technically it's drug abuse... But since it stones me... Yea... I like it! Ohhh don't worry. Everyone knows I am abusing drugs.

But lol organ damadge? I wanna cancer! So I can verify my suicide.

What do I want?
- soooooo sooooo much. Yet sooo sooo little. Peace.

What have I done in that regard?
- well for first part "much" part my almost 27 years of effort. For second... Just dozens of hours studying best method for life ending.

What happens next?
- I do not know. It collects in my soul. Suffer. Pain. Basically sometimes I wanted to pull down as much others as possible with me... But no... I'll end it with myself.

Which anyway may or may not happen. I told my doctor I am suicidal.

Reply: good thing that you just keep it in thoughts, not actually attempting it.

To that... Lol!

Since next time it wont count as an attempt.

Sorry ppl... When you lost your last hope you feel... Like od-ing. I just wanna sleep. F*k the organ damage.

I need to sleep... Not die. Yet... Just sleep. It hurts. So much!