I know I'm not normally a bad parent, but I definitely was this afternoon. And I hate when something like that happens - where my emotions feel absolutely uncontrollable. I'm much better than I used to be. I used to not realize that I was getting overwhelmed until way too late, but on a routine basis. I've learned to watch that level and take breaks to decrease the stimuli I'm experiencing when I need to. I made a really strong effort to make not yelling at my kids a habit - it wasn't a daily thing before, but probably once or twice a week. Now, when it happens, it feels enormous to me because I'm so used to not doing it. The power of it is unnerving, and it makes me sick to that it used to happen enough that I didn't realize how big it really was.

I really don't want to be a mom that yells at her kids - I've made such strides in that area and really worked to model better ways to handle intensity of emotions. So when today happened, and it felt like out of the blue (though I realize from the changing sleep patterns, some eating patterns, some mood things that it's probably pretty closely tied to a change in BP 'episode') - it just makes me feel like I failed them.