Wow. Okay, I have never spoken to ANYONE about this. Not my family, not my friends, not my psychiatrist, not anybody. It is hard for me to put this stuff in words. I don't know if anyone will understand. I've thought for a long time I may be bisexual. I have never ever dated a woman or been in any kind or a sexual relationship with a woman. I've never kissed a woman. I've never wanted to be in a relationship with a woman. I want the typical heterosexual life. I want to marry a man, have a couple kids, a great job, a few pets, a house, the works. That is the life I picture for myself. I am attracted to men. I've been in love with 2 men (not at the same time!). Still, I know I am attracted to women, too. Since I was a kid I've had crushes on some of my girlfriends. I've fantasized about beautiful women just as much as I've fantasized about men. I first really began to notice this attraction to women when I developed quite a crush on Michelle Kwan (World Champion Figure Skater) and later an even more powerful crush on Eden Riegel (Actress who played Bianca Montgomery on All My Children). I just think she's the most beautiful woman on the planet. I've heard that it isn't unusual for straight people to have celebrity crushes on members of the same sex but its also been friends I know in person. Plus, I find pictures of women just as arousing as pictures of men.

Thing is, I have some friends who say there is no such thing as bisexual. They say that a so called bisexual is either a heterosexual who likes to experiment or a homosexual who is still clinging to the possibility of a straight lifestyle. I also have 3 female bisexual friends who all kinda fit that first one. All are VERY sexually active and don't seem to get into relationships with men or women - they just like to have sex with lots of people. This is definitly not me. I am a virgin. Most people don't believe that because I am 27 but it is true. Between some psychological/sexual hangups that make me uncomfortable with sexual touching, I also was raised with a strong belief that you have sex when you marry and you only have sex with that person, ever. I want that to be a man. I'm not fighting my attraction to women, I'm just focusing on my attraction to men - since it is equal and I don't feel the need to persue every person I find attractive, I feel this is an okay choice... still, I just wonder whether I fit the label "bisexual" or if most people are attracted to both and just pick who they want more. I'm kinda confused and have been for a very long time. Just thought maybe some people could give me a little insight.

I'm so scared just to post this. I don't know why, I just am. It's like I'm admitting, not just to other people, but to myself, something I've been in denial about my whole life. Please help.