I thank you all for your replies. I am still confused, sorry if I'm stupid - I want you all to understand I am trying so hard to let go of the past, that's why I am in therapy. I feel I am doing ok, but I feel also somedays I am not doing ok. I know I can't change the past, I am trying to learn to cope with it and get to the stage where I am not blaming the world, trying to be a better person, less selfish and just want to be a happy, kind and "normal" person. If I hurt people along the way it's not intentional, if I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself I'm really not, I just want to vent and get it all out.

Thankyou for caring and replying, I love you all, appreciate you all and thankyou for your support.

Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo