Your red light is something you should listen to. There is no way a guy who has been married 31 years would ever go around holding a females (can't call her a lady) hand unless there was something going on.

You should be his best friend & if he has another famale as a best friend...there is trouble there anyway. There should be no other female in his life after 31 years of marriage than you.

I know that I worked with all guys in my engineering career. They were definitely good friends (I was married at the time) & some of them I was able to talk with about things I never talked to my husband about....however.....it never became physical....NEVER!!!!

As soon as a friendship becomes physical there is a problem. I would definitely confront him & let him know that what he is doing isn't ok within a marriage & if he wants to be that close of friends with another female, then the marriage is over!!!!!! Don't let him excuse his actions away by saying that they all do it at work or any other kind of BS. It isn't true & all you are getting is excuses for behavior that isn't appropriate while he is married...whether best friend or not....whether just holding hands of not....IT's wrong while he's married to you.

I would definitely set the limits & let him know that if he wants to go beyond those bounds, then it's over. I know you probably aren't interested in getting a divorce at this point, but his actions are point to that even though he probably wants both you (the stable relationship) & the fun one. It isn't right & it isn't fair to you. I wouldn't let it go on one moment longer.

Debbie