hi confused.

i wanted to let you know the same thing is going on with me. I've never gone to a t in my life. I've always since a child kept things buried deep inside and its absolutely impossible to let those things out. My first appt with a t ever was three weeks ago. It wasnt that bad. She had me do a inventory test, thats what she called it. And asked me just some basic questions that were easy to answer.

The next week when i went to see her she asked how i was feeling, I told her . And things went to %#@&#! after that. I had to beg her not to do something and make a promise i knew i may not be able to keep. I had to lie. I was angry at her for that. She told me i had to talk, that i am there to share my feelings. I coldnt, my mind was blank and after what had happened i just wanted to leave. As i was walking out the door, she said she will not be talking next week, that i will and she will be listening. And when i left i spent the entire week having an absolutely horrible week. Driving myself and others crazy with all the worries in my head.

A friend helped me to sit down and think of some things to talk to her about. The first was how angry i got with her the prior week about the incident. Second is to tell her how impossible it is for me to tell her things ive kept bottled up since a child. And third was about my battle to put the bottle down.

This past tuesday I went to see her for the third time. I wasnt as nervous becuase i had this list with me and i knew my friends believed in me to do this. When i sat down, she asked how i was. I didnt answer that question, i just came out and said how angry i am at her for the prior week. And after saying that, she talked to me about it. I was so angry i was able to get it out. We spent the entire hour talking about those three things on my list. She told me to let my anger out. And as i did, i started to calm down and talk normal. When the hour was up, she said next week we will go further into what happened that day. I left feeling a strange feeling that day. It wasnt good nor bad, but it was different. And i kinda liked that feeling.

Let your t know how hard it is for you to talk. Just tell them that. I wish you the best and i hope it gets easier for you.