I was raised with parents who taught me their unhappiness was my fault and to fix it I needed to be a perfect child. Also an abuser taught me to keep him happy, when I was a young child, and a severely abusive relationship if I kept him happy he wouldn't hurt me. Simplified versions.

So it's a very built in habit of thinking of how I can please others and make them happy and somehow I have to figure out how to change this aspect and figure out how to take care of myself....

Mind boggling.