I sympathise hugely. But have you ever considered that what you have is a bond and not an attachment? What is Secure Attachment and Bonding? Understanding the Different Ways of Bonding and Communicating With Your Child. She wouldn't have the same impact on you, from what I've read in your posts, if you had a secure attachment. But you do have a bond of love, which is not reciprocated in the same way, hence the anguish.