I’ve been thinking of going to a therapist for almost an entire year now, but I just feel that I can’t do it. One part of me keeps on telling me that I need some help and I should go, and another part tells me a straight “No”. I know all too well that I’ve reached the point where I can’t deal with my problems on my own anymore, but on the other hand there are two...issues here.

For one, I don’t trust therapists. I generally am a very pessimistic person and always think of the worst case scenario first. And because of that, I can’t trust some random person that I don’t know with all of my mental problems. It doesn’t matter if they are professionals at this; therapy is still a job, and they more likely than not have grown bored of it. Therapists are humans too, so at some point they must have grown bored of listening to everyone’s problems, while they probably have their own issues to deal with. Some must be doing it for the money. And who knows what they are thinking of you while you open up to them. The only way I can trust someone with everything that is going on in my head is if they have no issues of their own, and they won’t secretly judge me or ridicule me behind my back. Basically, I can only trust a robot with this.

And second, I can’t have my family know of this. I have tried hundreds of times to tell them of the mess that is my mind, but they always brush it off like it’s something trivial. I have kind of spent my whole life pretending that nothing is wrong with me, and it looks like my parents could not be more convinced that they have a brilliant, just shy and reserved, daughter. Every time I try to gradually tell them that there are things wrong with me, their replies are always “You are overthinking it”, “Don’t worry, it’s normal, I can understand how you feel” or “Don’t say stupid things, you are not like that”. So I know that if I tell them I want to see a therapist, they won’t let me do it, because they will believe I’m going overboard. And if I do actually go for it without telling them, I will surely be told at some point by whoever therapist I go to that I have to inform my parents of my situation...

So, in the end, I have no idea what to do...