I think I've got a better handle on the whole thing now. Since I just learned about C-PTSD with dissociation, which I really do have, at least I can now put a name on this. I told my h about it and asked him to just leave me alone with the sex and just stop triggering me. Maybe we can just find peace somehow. I forgive him for his inability to understand and have empathy. He's not really capable of empathy.

Eskie has been saying he may have some slight spectrum disorder. Maybe he does, but he sure doesn't want to hear that. It may just be that he is a very spoiled only child.

Also, I don't feel optimistic about becoming a single, older woman. I don't know what I want. I'm just too exhausted about everything to even make any decisions.

He's fine and my whole family's fine with me running back and forth to 'the dog house' when I need to run away. I know it's unconventional, but it works for now.