Hello. I have been doing some thinking a lot lately. I have been friends with a guy for a long white now, a few weeks ago we were at an event together, went to ihop, and we kissed twice in the parking lot. Last night, we kissed in the parking lot at another restaurant told him it's been a long week and I really wanted to see him.

He was asking me about what kind of relationship I am looking for. I had some writings on what I don't want and what I want in a relationship. I haven't gone back in them lately to read or change them. Why am I still having a hard time about what I want in a relationship? After years of being told I don't have wants/needs/boundaries just suck it up for whatever treatment comes. I told him my dating life is pretty limited I kept my single on and off for a long time.

I am still trying to figure out who I am this is something that was discussed with two former therapists but never had the chance to go in depth about that topic. He told me what he wanted in a relationship he said I don't want to be married again, no more kids (has 2 grown kids), he wants to have relationships with people he is up for anything down for whatever I really like how he said that and he said take it from there he has no expectations.

My goal is trying not to have expectations either. For not having a lot of dating experiences in my life, how do you figure out yourself and what you want? My relationships in the past were just toxic and sexual hoping something would come out of it. It was emotionally draining and abusive I have this tendency to go finding abusive people to be in relationships those were my "relationships" and my previous relationship with my ex wasn't healthy either. I still attract negative people/relationships into my life.

I am 30 and this guy I am talking about is 58. People have it clear what they want in a relationship still fuzzy for me. I told him last night I feel like I am overthinking and analzying how is it gonna look. I am still weak in picking up bad traits from people I may know it is bad but cutting them out is still hard for me to do as I have "accepted" that mistreatment for so long.

Anyway, relationships are still fuzzy. Any suggestions?